Defining Family
by Mikauzoran
Summary: Conan asks Kaito to take care of a puppy for him until Ayumi's birthday, but somehow Hakuba gets saddled with all the work. Sherlock is a dopey puppy who eats Shakespeare, isn't potty trained, and may or may not secretly be a criminal mastermind. Can he find a place in the Hakubas' hearts, and what will happen when it's time for him to leave?


Mikau: Hi everyone! This was going to be my entry for the Poirot Café forum's writing competition "Betrayal"…but then I got hit by an actual betrayal plunnie involving Hakuba telling Aoko about Kaito's Kid secret. Yeah. That one is called I am Brutus. So if you're in the mood for some gut-wrenching betrayal, check it out. And then maybe read this to make yourself feel better. I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: If I owned it, DCMK dogs would be drawn better. The eyes…ever seem to look right. Like Coeur. Coeur's eyes looked really glassy and soulless. Kind of creepy. Anyway!

…

Defining Family

The little mutt thumped his tail, tongue lolling to the side stupidly and yet giving Hakuba the impression that the hound was smiling, happy to see him.

Only Saguru was not smiling. He was most definitely glowering at the "wiggle beast" (as it had been dubbed by Kuroba for its penchant for…well, wiggling).

"You do realize," the detective breathed through gritted teeth, trying to hold in a pointless outburst of anger. "That when I left not four minutes ago, there was on the coffee table a copy of Shakespeare's Hamlet?"

The puppy wiggled in the anticipation of being pet by his master.

"And now it's gone," Saguru concluded, leaving the real question unasked because he could plainly see the little scrap of paper stuck to the pup's nose.

Sherlock yipped and then continued to wiggle and wag his tail violently, barely able to contain his excitement at Saguru's return.

There were several ways in which Hakuba could interpret that bark:

1) "Yes. I ate it. It was very delicious, thank you, but a little bitter for my tastes. Twelfth Night is better, but, if you must know, I really do prefer the sonnets."

2) "You fool! I have eaten it! Bwahahaha! How could you not foresee this?! You who are celebrated as a genius in this land?!"

3) "Oh boy! Daddy! Oh boy! I thought you'd never come back! You were gone so long, but—oh boy! Pet me! Pet m—Look! A dust bunny!"

Saguru was seriously betting on door number three as he crouched to scratch behind Sherlock's big, floppy ears. "Little traitor. I do hope that Hamlet doesn't disagree with your stomach. It'll just be a mess for me to clean up later." Saguru sighed, letting go of his frustration because, really, it couldn't be helped. Sherlock was just a baby and not a particularly bright one at that.

"Just do me the favor of not vomiting in my shoe or defecating on my area rug, okay?" He smiled as he gave the mutt a good pat on the head.

Sherlock barked happily once more:

1) "I say, my good fellow. Why, pray tell, would I ever do such a beastly thing?"

2) "Ha! Just you wait, '_Father'_, for I shall soon have my revenge! I shall defecate on ALL of the rugs! And you shall be made to clean it up! Bwahahaha!"

3) "Oh bo—Ooooh! Squirrel!"

"Right," Saguru chuckled, secretly and begrudgingly fond of the pup.

Because he had always wanted a puppy; he just hadn't realized how much _work_ raising a tiny living creature could be. He imagined this was how his parents felt before they had shoved him off on Baaya: overwhelmed.

He made a mental note never to become a father, or, if it couldn't be helped due to social pressures and the insistence of his arranged marriage wife, never to become a father before the age of thirty. Maybe by then he'd be mature enough to handle it.

As things stood, he was eighteen and had a puppy with his crazy best friend.

Speaking of which, the sliding glass door leading from Hakuba's room out onto his balcony flew open at just that moment, and in stepped Kuroba Kaito.

"'Sup!" the lunatic greeted jovially.

"Mommy!" Sherlock howled, darting right into Kaito's waiting arms as his ears flapped behind him in the wind.

"My baby!" Kaito cooed in response, cradling his child like an actual human infant and rocking Sherlock back and forth gently. He played with Sherlock's ears, bopped the pup on the nose, and waved his fingers in the dog's face.

The hound made happy noises and batted at his mother's dancing phalanges like a cat.

…

Sherlock was actually entirely Kaito's fault. The magician was friends with a certain detective who was hoping to give his friend a puppy for her birthday in three months' time. The detective had come across Sherlock while on a case, and the puppy had been rescued and put on reserve for the unsuspecting birthday girl. Only…Kaito's detective friend couldn't keep Sherlock himself because of his current living situation.

(Saguru suspected that Detective Mouri didn't like dogs.)

And so Kaito had offered to take Sherlock in until the appointed time of little Ayumi's birthday since none of Edogawa Conan's other friends were able.

…Only Kaito's mother was allergic. No matter that she was home approximately three weeks out of the year (and not even consecutively). So Sherlock could not stay at the Kuroba abode after all.

This was when Baaya's treachery came into play.

Kaito had been speaking to her one day of his predicament when Baaya offhandedly remarked that Saguru had always wanted a dog as a child.

Kaito smirked, his sinister mind already scheming, concocting a plan that would force all of this extra work on Hakuba.

"He's actually quite fond of animals, you see," she'd elaborated, spilling his deep, dark secrets about being an animal lover, one of those people that coos over pictures of little ducklings wearing baseball jerseys or piglets dressed in tutus. She spoke of how he still kept stuffed animals and, worse, of his fluffy baby animals calendar.

She had utterly betrayed him, and Kaito had used this newly gathered knowledge against him.

Kaito brought over Sherlock with his floppy ears and his big eyes, his enormous paws and his infectious wiggle.

Puppy love at first sight adequately described their initial meeting.

Saguru had held in any and all manner of reaction when he'd first set eyes on the puppy. He'd fought to remain stoic and straight-faced even in the midst of all of the adorable, writhing mass of soft, fluffy—and the ears! The ears!

Baaya gave a trill of delight, letting her stirring spoon drop as she hustled over to fuss over the pup. "Oh, look at his ears, Saguru!"

Saguru was well aware of the ears, thank you.

"And his big paws! They're far too large for him!" Baaya added gleefully as she picked one up and felt of the soft jelly pad on the bottom.

Yes, Saguru had noticed the comically large paws too.

She then received a great big lick on her cheek for her trouble. Laughing, she rubbed it in, "Oh, Saguru! Look at him! Isn't he the cutest?"

And that was it. Saguru marched straight over and took the pup from Kaito's arms, inspecting Sherlock as he wiggled and wagged, looking like the happiest being in the universe.

"So can he stay here for a few months until Tantei-kun is ready to give him to Ayumi-chan for her birthday?" Kaito prodded, seeing that he'd successfully sunk his claws into the both of them.

And so Sherlock stayed. A month later, Saguru was beginning to wonder what had possessed him to take responsibility for that tiny, troublesome pooch, but…by that time he was already attached…had been attached for four full weeks now, so there was no question of handing Sherlock over to someone else's care.

…

Kaito had been the one to pick the name, if you'll believe it. Hakuba didn't ask about it for the first two weeks, but when he got curious and did, the detective was not happy with the answer.

"Sherlock was the name of Lupin's dog. He mentions it in…813, I think? Or was it The Teeth of the Tiger? One of those."

Saguru's face contorted into a bestial scowl at the name of his idol taken in vain by that sacrilegious burglar and his spiritual successor.

"Well. I can certainly claim otherwise. Most people are more familiar with Holmes than Lupin anyway," Saguru all but growled, causing Sherlock to perk up and scan the area for danger…before he got distracted by a piece of string.

Kaito shrugged and went over to keep the puppy from falling off of the bed in his efforts to obtain that coveted thread. "Those that know them both like Lupin better."

Saguru screwed up his mouth. "Blasphemy," he snorted.

"Lupin is wittier," Kaito pressed, scooping up Sherlock and setting the pup down on top of his chest as Kaito spread out on the bed.

"Careful, you heathen. I'll file for divorce and ask for sole custody of our puppy-child," Saguru threatened.

Kaito chortled openly at that. "Were we married? I thought we were just friends with benefits until you became my puppy daddy."

Saguru cringed. "I see your point. I hope never to be insane or drunk enough to even consider marrying _you_."

Now it was Kaito's turn to pout. "Meanie. I thought you loved me, but you only wanted my body."

Saguru raised his eyebrow, giving Kaito a "Seriously?" look. "All right. Enough of your shenanigans."

"That would have been a good name for a dog." Kaito quickly perked up, changing the subject.

…

Back in the present, Sherlock was currently four months old with one left to go until Ayumi's birthday.

And the infinitely clever canine had just eaten a copy of Hamlet.

"He did what?!" Kaito shrieked, holding the hound out at arm's length to investigate his child, get a better look and make sure that all of the requisite parts were where they were supposed to be.

"He's fine. He didn't get all of it," Saguru assured, holding up the mangled remains of the play which he had found underneath the sofa.

"But what if he got a paper cut in his mouth?! What if the ink is poisonous?!" cried the distraught mother, nearly inconsolable.

Sherlock panted, seeming to smile that dopey grin of his. He gave a happy yip, possibly trying to relate, "Hi, Mommy! I'm up high! This is fun!"

Or maybe it was, "Bwahaha! Just you wait, Mommy Dearest. Part one of my evil plan is complete. In the next phase, I shall expel noxious substances all over Father's belongs, and while he is preoccupied with cleaning them up, I shall steal you away from him so that we can be together, just the two of us without Father's interference. Bwahaha!"

Then again, it might have been, "I do say, Mother, calm yourself. There is no need for alarm as I am quite fine, thank you."

Saguru could never really tell with that dog. The imbecilic façade might simply be a cover for a more sinister side of Sherlock. The things that the pup did might possibly be a carefully calculated plot against Saguru, for all the detective could tell. Though, one would have to be incredibly smart to act so superbly stupid on such a consistent basis as Sherlock maintained. It also stood to reason that Sherlock was secretly a pompous, middle-aged English gentleman who should really be outfitted with the stereotypical monocle, top hat, and cane.

But Hakuba wasn't holding his breath. It was most likely that his Sherlock was a simple creature.

"He's fine," Saguru insisted once more. "He just took a little chomp out of the book before shredding it. He shouldn't have gotten enough to hurt him at all, and if it does disagree with him, I'll clean it up later, whichever end it comes out of."

Kaito bit his lip, studying the carefree face of Sherlock once more. He hummed thoughtfully before hugging the pup to his chest. "Well…if you say so. Just…try not to leave things lying around so much, okay? I don't know what I'd do if he…you know…choked or got into something he wasn't supposed to and got sick."

Setting the half-eaten remains of the great literary work down on his desk, Saguru went over and patted both Kaito and Sherlock on the heads. "I'm sorry. I only left it there for not even five minutes. It was careless of me, but I assure you that I generally take much better care. It won't happen again, Kuroba. Sherlock will be fine, I promise you."

Kaito mulled over the words for a minute before giving Hakuba a nod of clemency. "Just take care of our kid, okay?"

"Yes, Dear," Saguru played along, hoping to inspire a smile, however slight, on the magician's face.

…

Kaito came every day to check on Sherlock. Baaya watched the pup during the day, relishing her grandmotherly duties, and then Saguru and Kaito looked after him after school and on weekends. Sherlock slept in Saguru's room, and Saguru was the one to feed him.

Mostly Kaito just played with the pup and took him on walks during the weekdays, but on Saturday and Sunday he took more of an active role in Sherlock's life.

"Still, he seems to like you better," Saguru huffed. "Why does he like you better when I'm the one feeding him all the time?"

"He knows who Mommy is," Kaito explained simply, playing with Sherlock's paws. "He's a little genius. He knows who his mommy is, and his loyalties lie accordingly. Little boys always like their mommies best."

To this, Saguru could only grumble about ingratitude and the fact that Kaito was not a woman.

"Oh, shush," Kaito retorted with a click of his tongue.

…

Many days passed like that for the three in blissfully domestic peace, outrageous idiocy, and minor catastrophes usually ending in tears and laughter. Sherlock grew (though not much as his father had been a scrawny little Chihuahua) and learned many tricks (such as sit and…well, he was pretty good at sit…when the whim struck him). Still, the wiggler was getting better about walking on his leash properly, and he didn't try to eat _quite_ so many strange objects anymore.

Regardless, in his three months at the Hakuba Manor, Sherlock had made himself quite at home to the point where he was considered by all to be a member of the family.

Baaya adored him. It had been too long since she'd last had any sort of child to pamper and spoil. Saguru, admittedly loved the screwy little fluff ball, even though Sherlock preferred Kaito with a bias. Even Superintendent Hakuba came home and scooped up the pup, talking in that baby voice to Sherlock that he had never used with his own son.

Kaito had practically moved in in order to spend more time with the mutt.

And then the week of Ayumi's birthday came, and they prepared to say goodbye.

"It's not like we'll never see him again," Saguru tried to console Baaya as she sobbed on the morning of Sherlock's departure. "Ayumi-chan doesn't live too terribly far from here, and I'm sure she'd like to bring him over to play since we have such a large yard."

His assurances were drowned out by Baaya's wails.

"Could we just buy her a new puppy?" the Superintendent suggested, brow furrowed in uncharacteristic consternation for the normally merry fellow. "It doesn't have to be Sherlock, does it?"

Saguru bit his lip, giving a look of consideration to the unsuspecting pup in Kaito's arms.

"Tell them we'll buy the dog off of them," the elder Hakuba urged. "How much do they want for him?" Hakuba Senior fished out his wallet and started counting ten thousand yen bills.

"We can't go back on our word," Saguru argued flimsily, not really feeling the words leaving his lips. "We can't keep someone else's dog."

"But maybe we can talk it out with Tantei-kun," Kaito chimed in after having been oddly quiet, lost in his own thoughts up until that point.

The doorbell rang, signaling Conan's arrival…and Sherlock's departure.

Baaya's wailings increased in decibel level at the odious sound.

Saguru reluctantly went to answer the door, escorting their guest into the kitchen where they were all gathered.

"Don't mind Baaya," Saguru informed the other sleuth. "She's…just a little emotional right now."

Conan nodded, but he looked doubtful…even a little suspicious at the grief-stricken cries. He looked even more uncomfortable (if that were possible) as he entered the kitchen and received a death glare from the Superintendent.

Sherlock, completely deficient at reading the atmosphere, yipped cheerily in greeting. "Oh boy! New person!"

Though, Saguru seriously hoped it was more of a, "Fool! You'll never take me alive!"

But it could also have been, "I do say, good day, Sir!"

"So…" Saguru started off with conviction…and by shoving his hands into his pockets in a rather telling gesture of helplessness. "It doesn't really have to be _this_ dog in particular, does it, that you give to little Ayumi-chan?"

"We're just afraid that she won't like him," Kaito explained, nodding in hopes that it might help to convince Conan.

"He's deficient," Saguru added, then tacking on, "Terribly stupid little beastie. He just requires so much looking after, otherwise he'd trip over his own ears…drown in his water dish. He really is hopeless."

"And such a mess!" Baaya lamented. "Sherlock's having trouble learning to go outside, and he gets into things, tears them to shreds, he does!"

"Surely the girl doesn't want _this_ dog," the Superintendent reiterated. "Tell you what: we'll take this one off of your hands and buy the kid a new one. A little Corgi or a Chihuahua. Or would she like a kitten? A nice, fluffy, white kitten?"

The elder Hakuba drove a hard bargain. "Better yet! We'll keep Sherlock and give you money so that Ayumi-chan can go to the pet store and pick out whatever she likes and some supplies for it."

"Yes!" Saguru seconded the proposal enthusiastically. "Let her get whatever she likes. That's much better than giving her that goofy little hound dog."

They all nodded at this, but the looks in their eyes, the expressions on their faces betrayed them. They loved their dog despite all of his so-called "flaws". They loved him _because_ he was the way he was, and they didn't want Conan to take their beloved pet away from them.

The shrunken detective smiled and chuckled. "When we rescued that pup from the hoarder, what I was most concerned about was putting him in a good home where he'd be loved and taken care of. _That's_ why I was going to give him to Ayumi. But if he's already got a home where he belongs and is loved, I don't see the point in taking that away from him."

At the news, the entire room brightened up, several (all) of their number giving cheers of varying levels of restraint.

Baaya started crying ecstatically upon hearing that her grandson would not be taken away after all.

Kaito jumped for joy, clicking his heels together as he celebrated their victory.

Superintendent Hakuba smiled reservedly, and Saguru could barely contain his excitement as a face-splitting grin spread from one of his cheeks to the other.

And so Sherlock stayed at the Hakuba Manor with his family. He lived to make many, many messes…and even more memories.

The

End

…

Mikau: There you go. Feel good puppy fic. And yes, the fic is kind of based on my own puppy experiences, but, no, even though Noiz is kind of dopey at times, he's nowhere near as dumb as Sherlock in the fic, so Sherlock isn't really based on my kids. Though, I had this book of Shakespeare from the 1920's that was on my bookshelf. I left for five minutes, and Noiz took it down and ripped a chunk out of Hamlet. Just Hamlet. So either he has good taste in Shakespeare…or he hates Hamlet with a passion. Anyway, I hope you liked it. Take care!


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